I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
