From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
