Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
