I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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