would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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