marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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