My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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