Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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