i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
