Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
