Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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