didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
