I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
