look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
