I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
