Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
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