My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
