Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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