Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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