Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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