jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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