just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
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