you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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