hell yes lets make some ravioli
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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