Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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