The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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