all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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