Fuck appropriateness.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
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