At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
