i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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