He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I can't turn off my feet"
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
