I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
