She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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