I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
