I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
