Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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