I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
