There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
