he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
