and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
