I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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