here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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