remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
