All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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