She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
