Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
