Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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