in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
