I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Sorry about my life...
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
