So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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