Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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