i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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