All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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