I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
My penis needs a shock collar
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
