Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
