I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
