if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
