he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
