lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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