how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
