Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
