sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
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