i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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